After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
