I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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