I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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