So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
