Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
