Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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