He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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