Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
