ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
