Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
