we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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