***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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