Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
