we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
