So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
