im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
