Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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