dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
