If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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