Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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