So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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