Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
