Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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