there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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