capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
