I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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