Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I need help removing her.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
