The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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