One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
