You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
