I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
