Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
