well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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