Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
