The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
