i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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