toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
