You can't motorboat a personality
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
