Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He felt like a one man threesome
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
