I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
