Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
