so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I forget how to act sober
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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