but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no. you can't hotbox the world.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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