just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
