So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
