I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
