Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
this will be a night to untag.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
