my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
