you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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