I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
